im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you had me at cake vodka
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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