she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
