i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
