i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
