every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
