To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
