PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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