I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
