There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
