You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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