Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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