someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
