She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
