Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
another moral hangover. fuck.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
