So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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