I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
