I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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