K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
