Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
