Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
