he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
