i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
