i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
