I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
