Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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