found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
