Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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