grandma shit on top of the toilet
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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