I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
one might say we're banned from that church
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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