we have officially lost it.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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