We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i now understand why vodka
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
