i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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