Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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