Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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