She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
