My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
