I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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