dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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