Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
