Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It was a blind-side dick pic.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
