I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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