Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I wear drunk well.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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