dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
organizing the empties. That sober.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
