At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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