"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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