i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
