As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
