Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
