If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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