just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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